This is a memo which was supposedly leaked from the White House this week discussing the President’s plans to celebrate his victory over COVID-19. I can’t vouch for its authenticity…
(Or actually I can vouch for its inauthenticity. It is satire: i.e.,., it is #FakeNews. These days, however, satire has a hard time staying ahead of reality.)
President Trump will celebrate the defeat of coronavirus and the re-opening of our economy on Friday May 1st with a six-mile parade thru streets of Philadelphia. Many people are saying this will be the greatest patriotic parade since end of WWI, back in 1918, maybe ever. Philadelphia, in addition to being the birthplace of our nation, was the site of an unprecedented display of patriotism after the end of World War I which is still talked about today. Lately, everyone has been talking about it.
There was some consideration of waiting till July 4th But May 1st would be an even better date.
The First of May, 2020 is the 16th anniversary of the Mission Accomplished speech when George W Bush celebrated USA's total victory over Radical Islamic Terrorism, to use a phrase which liberals were and still are afraid to say. May 1st, 2020 will be the day when all patriotic Americans celebrate our total victory over the Main Stream Media, China, the WHO & COVID-19. ·And, of course, Radical Islamic Terrorism.
The Liberals & the Main Stream Media won't like Trump's choice of date, since May 1st is May Day, the traditional holiday of Socialism/Communism, but they're a bunch of cutie pies. President Trump has no use for those losers. LOSERS! LOOOSERSS! USA! USA! USA!
Trump will use the occasion to roll out a "Liberty Loan" program to bail out our great golf courses, our amazing hedge funds and our magnificent cruise ships.
Our magnificent cruise ships will be a key element of this unprecedented celebration, which will begin on Wednesday, April 30. Cruise ships will be deployed at every port within one or two days sailing time from Baltimore and Philadelphia. The Carnival and Princess cruise lines alone have promised at least 40 ships, capable of carrying at least 200,000 patriots. Other cruise lines have also expressed interest. Just before dawn Friday morning the cruise ships will sail into Baltimore Harbor where we will celebrate our amazing national anthem by an unprecedented fireworks display featuring the rocket's red glare and the bombs bursting in air while a massed choir sings all four verses of the anthem, including our President’s favorite, the third verse:
The Star-Spangled Banner
O say can you see, by the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hail’d at the twilight’s last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight
O’er the ramparts we watch’d were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there,
O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
On the shore dimly seen through the mists of the deep
Where the foe’s haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o’er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning’s first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream,
’Tis the star-spangled banner - O long may it wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!
And where is that band who so vauntingly swore,
That the havoc of war and the battle’s confusion
A home and a Country should leave us no more?
Their blood has wash’d out their foul footstep’s pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave,
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.
O thus be it ever when freemen shall stand
Between their lov’d home and the war’s desolation!
Blest with vict’ry and peace may the heav’n rescued land
Praise the power that hath made and preserv’d us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause itis just,
And this be our motto - “In God is our trust,”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.
The ships will cruise into the harbor as the biggest flag ever constructed, over 500 feet long, is unfurled, catching the morning's first beam. Three groups of especially zealous patriots will board a fleet of flat bed trailers, hauled by tractor trailer trucks proudly “burning coal,” and they will fan out to join morning rallies at three nearby state capitals: Annapolis, Maryland; Dover, Delaware; and Trenton, New Jersey. The Dover, Delaware contingent will also stop at Joe Biden's home in nearby Wilmington for a special “Wake Up, Sleepy Joe” rally. For a surprisingly affordable price, participating patriots can buy special-edition assault-style rifles and body armor.
Those three contingents will meet in Camden, where their trucks will emit the biggest pall of black diesel smoke since the 1970s as they roll across the Roger Ailes Memorial Bridge (formerly the Benjamin Franklin Memorial Bridge.) These American heroes will join hundreds of thousands of other patriots at high noon in Philadelphia’s Center City. The biggest display of patriotism in US history was Trump's first inaugural in January 2017 with an estimated 1.5 million in attendance. Trump hopes to at least double this figure on May 1st. 3 million patriots at one parade. Who could have ever believed it? 3 million! Maybe even more...
The parade will begin at Independence Hall, where the Liberty Bell will ring louder & longer than ever before. The parade will then head 1 mile west to the amazing Hahnemann University Hospital which has epitomized our magnificent health care system's perfect response to the threat of a pandemic.
Trump will stop for a brief presentation across the street at the former National Constitution Center, which from now on will be rebranded as the National Second Amendment Center Presented by the NRA.
The parade will head 5 miles down Broad Street to what used to be FDR Park.
FDR Park will henceforth be renamed "Donald J. Trump Park," and its world-class golf course will also be renamed after our nation's First Golfer.
Finally, the parade will end at the Philadelphia Navy Yard. Trump will give his longest speech ever from the flight deck of an aircraft carrier. It will be at least three hours long, maybe even four. Who knows? All his amazing admirals will be there with him, along with all his great generals. It will be an awesome sight, so beautiful you won't even believe it.
Ideally Trump & his amazing admirals wanted to use the USS Teddy Roosevelt, but it would take about 60 days for the Roosevelt to get to Philly from Guam.
Instead, Trump will speak from the flight deck of the new USS John F. Kennedy which will be rechristened the USS Donald J. Trump. Ivanka Trump will be the ship's new sponsor.
Trump will hang a huge "Mission Accomplished" banner on the bridge of the Trump (formerly the JFK) to celebrate the fact that he has accomplished his mission.
Trump has eliminated the Wuhan Flu! He has delivered unprecedented results!
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
The celebration will end at the iconic John F. Kennedy Stadium, which like the aircraft carrier will be renamed. From now on, the greatest stadium in America, maybe even in the world, will be known as Donald J. Trump Stadium Presented By MyPillow. Trump/MyPillow will open with an unprecedented “Mission Accomplished America! (No Thanks to China!)” concert featuring the greatest lineup of entertainers ever assembled. Superstars Dennis Miller and Victoria Jackson will emcee a gala headlined by musical legends Kid Rock, Ted Nugent and Scott Baio. The grand finale will feature reggae legend Carl Douglas singing “Kung Flu Fighting.”
(This is satire: i.e.,., it is #FakeNews. These days, however, satire has a hard time staying ahead of reality.)
